Second Guessing...

Beating myself up today with the cold ofs and should ofs. I wish I would of had the early birth defect testing done now the not knowing is really getting to me. Obviously there was something wrong just wish I knew. Then I opted out on having her tested after we had her but now I'm second guessing everything. UGH! I just wish I knew what caused this. So that has been my day. Went to the WIC office to re-certify. Babies and pregnant woman everywhere. I held it together pretty good I must say. Everyone who works there knows me and what happened. They kept going on and on about how beautifully written her obituary was.. Thank you once again Jill. Wanda even had it taped behind one of the pc's said it was very inspirational and she hoped I didn't mind. Which I don't just wish I would have had a heads up before I saw it. They were wonderful up there so it didn't go so bad I guess. The post it note on my folder said mother recert/stillborn that kinda got to me but what can you do. The world cant stop or change on my behalf. I don't want people to feel as though I'm surrounded by egg shells I just want things to be normal once again.

 
 
 

 
 

A Peek Into Heaven

By Callie Sanders Thornton

Just one little peek into heaven,

Is all I'm asking for today.

I just want to know how she's doing,

And heaven seems so far away.

Is she playing on the clouds with angels?

Is she laughing and running today?

Does she miss me?

I guess only she knows.

Oh why does heaven seem so far away?

If you just let me look for a moment,

To catch a glimpse of her sweet smiling face,

I promise I won't try to take her,

I know, she's in a better place.

Just one little peek into heaven,

Is all I'm asking for today.

I just want to know how she's doing,

And heaven seems so far away...