I should be buying pink baby clothes now...

So I'm realizing my ups and Downs are not a day by day thing they are more of an hour by hour thing. I was OK until this evening when I saw a woman on television doing a ultrasound. It was an ad for Ultrasound Techs being in high demand. It brought my head to seeing Rowan's ultrasound. How she was all curled up not moving. That day wasn't supposed to be like it was. I should be buying pink baby clothes now not crying on a daily basis that there isnt a pot of gold at the of my rainbow. As a matter of fact my rainbow melted out of the sky and turned gray. I get so overwhelmed with everything I just want to scream or my chest gets so tight It feels like I cant take another breath unless I force it. I keep telling everyone I'm going to be OK almost in a way like I'm trying to convince myself that I will be OK. I honestly don't know. I wish I could honestly say I'm OK but I don't even know. I am trying my damndest to make lemonade out of a ton of lemons and I don't know where to begin.

I know that true healing comes from turning all this over to the lord but I am having a hard day doing that. If only it were different!!!

 

 

If you learn from your suffering, and really come to

understand the lesson you were taught,
you might be able to help someone else
who's now in the phase you may have just completed.
Maybe that's what it's all about after all...