Everywhere I look

I haven't taken Rowan's box down in almost three days. I haven't looked at her pictures, held her blanket or little blue bunny in almost three days. I want to take the box down but something is holding me back. Like I know it's a bad idea, that I'm just torturing myself if I give in and get it down. Ive even been in the closet, hands on the box starting to pull it off the top shelf where it stays and had to stop because I feel like right now it's not the best idea. I have been OK for about 24hrs now and I know if I take it down to look through that OKness will be ruined. Does that make me horrible? That I don't want to look at my daughters memory box? Everything that was hers or was to be is all in one tiny box. I got rid of all the baby items I had saved right after we got home. Some mommy to be lucked up with my Craigslist posting. I just couldn't look at it. Everything already reminds me of her, I look at my children and know there is one missing, I look at the photos on the fridge and know the only one up there even close to being one of her is a photo of where she is buried, I will never get to capture a memory of her to place up there with the other four. The toys that are scattered through my house will never be Rowan's toys. Even down to the silverware we eat off of, Rowan will never use them. So I feel like why torture myself looking through the tiny box contained with her things, cards, photos, etc. when I already see reminders of her everywhere I look.