Can I skip the month of Aug?

  So, I went to my first M.E.N.D meeting last night. I think I did OK. Cried at the end while looking through a children's book meant to explain the loss of a baby to their siblings. Had to put that one down quickly. I'm not ready for that just yet. Amiah keeps asking where is the baby that was in my tummy, and all I can say without sobbing uncontrollably is that shes in Heaven let alone read her a book about it and compose myself to where it isn't going to bother her. We do what we can as parents and right now that is all I can do with her on the subject. She has been showing out since shes noticed the change in the atmosphere here so I don't want to make things harder for her to adjust back to her normal little self. She has been doing really good with the whole attitude and acting out for the past two weeks I don't wanna jeopardize it. Anyway, I met several other ladies who have been in this situation and though the reason us all being there is sad it was nice to see im not alone in the thoughts, actions and reactions I have been having over these past two months. Yes it has almost been two months. I cant believe that. I should be nearing the end of my seventh month by now counting down the days to meet my little girl but I'm not. I'm dreading the days to come, especially her due date. Ive heard from other angel baby mommies that the anticipation to the due date is worse than the actual date. I just want to skip the whole month of Aug! Can I do that? Maybe Unisom and Ambien will become my best friends that month. Just kidding. I know I cant sleep away my sorrows just as much as I cant drink them away either. Saddens me to think people believe they can. So just a quick FYI if I'm pissy with you during the month of Aug I apologize ahead of time. I have started reading a book called. I Will hold you in Heaven". It's looking at the death of a child from what the Bible's POV is. It deals with miscarriages up to babies who die at an early age, even abortion. So far so good. I guess I'm OK. I think I'm doing pretty good considering how fresh all this still is. I have realised how shallow some people really are and sadly it took this for me to see what horrible friends they are. I also have come to terms with the fact this is me now. The new normal I guess. There is no going back to the way Erica was before this it's not going to happen. How can you go back to normal after you have lost a child? This is me now and I have to be OK with that. You don't have to be but if you cant accept me now then maybe it's better you hit the road Jack. I had someone ask me how I could pray to the God who took my baby? I answered, the same way I pray to the God who gave me her. I know there is reasoning behind Rowan taking an early flight home and though I struggle with accepting that I have no choice but to be OK with that.